We make it count

Van to work.  Van home.  Van to work.  Van home.   Van to work.  Van home.

Stir crazy doesn't even describe it sometimes.   On the occasions we do all get out,  we make every minute count.   Here you can see the transition from bday dinner at Red Hot Sizzler,  to an underground dance party,  and after curfew forces us home,  a quiet evening in our rooms.

Such good times.  I love these people. 

Uncooomfortable

Dear Joel,

Can you please stop referring to things that are doing well as "blowing up"?   You do it at least once a day and it doesn't play well here and makes me want to punch you in the face.

Love,

Joel

P.S.  Your hair looks stupid. 

A Sad Place for Flat Stanley

Do you know what Flat Stanley is all about?  Don't worry if you don't,  you aren't necessarily the right age demographic.  I'll summarize quickly for you.   Flat Stanley is a childrens story about a boy who was completely flattened by a falling bookshelf.  Now,  whenever his family needs to send him somewhere,  instead of paying for costly airline tickets and awkward TSA patdowns they simply fold him up,  throw him in an envelope and mail him around the world.

So apparently grade schools all over the country have taken this story and turned it into a pretty cool geography project.  Students are encouraged to give their little cutouts of Flat Stanley to traveling family and friends,  who take pictures with Flat Stanley in different spots and then write a little about each place. 

My cousin Becky sent me a few for her son Jack,  as I'm frequently traveling around the world.

Here's Flat Stanley in Dubai.  Dubai is a pleasant place.

Here he is pointing to the Burj Khalifa,  the tallest building in the world.

That's all very well and good.  Mission accomplished.   The problem is once I got back to Afghanistan I have failed pretty tremendously.   First of all,  Kabul in the wintertime is not an attractive place.  Especially since grocery stores have been blowing up,  all I get to see is the drive back and forth to work.  

I did manage to get this gem.

Welcome to the apocalypse Flat Stanley.  I hope you packed plenty of canned food and bottled water.

Run Flat Stanley.  Run as fast as your useless paper legs will carry you. 






I don't want to scare the children.  Flat Stanley is a beloved character,  not to be kidnapped and thrown in the trunk of a dusty Toyota Corolla.

It's Finally Winter In Kabul

Hey,   sorry it's been a while since my last post.  I went home to the America for a few weeks of non stop cheeseburgers and nachos.  I have since returned.  I have some stories to tell about a party in Dubai,  and also a tale of international intrigue starring a columbian assassin,  but before that...


Hey look its snowing!

Awesome.

The Weather Outside is Frightful

The weather in Kabul has taken a cold turn for the worse.  I'm told at night it's negative 2.   Course,  that's celcius,  coming from my Canadian friends.  I'm a busy man,  I don't have time to do a whole bunch of "math" to figure out what the temperature is in Farenheit,  but needless to say - it's chilly.

Solution?

Buy identical handmade coats with your friends for 55 dollars.

I feel pimptastic about these coats.

Now I'm going to lay some Afghanistan fun facts on you, and lead you down a path of knowledge,  which will eventually end with a vaguely comedic tie in to these coats.

1) The most popular car in Afghanistan is a Toyota Corolla.   Not Toyota itself.   Specifically the Corolla.   I have seen one or two Camrys,  and a couple 4-Runners,  and somewhere in the range of 7,000 Corollas since I arrived in Kabul.   There's no such thing as credit here in Afghanistan,  everything is paid for with cash,  and all the Corollas come used from other countries.  Afghanistan is the Corolla graveyard.   Parents send their Corolla's to Kabul to die,  and tell their children that the family car is having the time of it's life on some luxurious roads somewhere.

2) Afghans like their status symbols.   Having a particular this or that elevates them in the eyes of their friends,  much like,  well every other country in the world.   Now,  Toyota is the number one most recognized brand in the country (Roshan is number two).  People LOVE their Toyotas.  I have to imagine this is because Toyotas run forever,  and under the extreme duress of the roads and driving here.....thats a plus.   Now the funny part is that we have seen other cars,  like a honda for example,  that has a Toyota emblem yanked from somewhere else and pasted on their car.   Everyone wants to be seen driving a Toyota.

3) Which leads to the coats.  When we went to buy our coats we were presented with a box that had inside tags from every major brand of fancy coat maker -  from Armani to Hugo Boss.  The idea being to sew the tag onto the outside of your homemade coat (the tags we normally remove) so that everyone knows you are wearing the latest fashions.


Weird stuff.

What's in a name?

I got my business cards in today.  

Exhibit A:  The English Side

Exhibit B:  The Dari Translated Side

So I'm all excited to have my fancy business cards,  so I bring it over to a Afghan friend of mine.  

"Here's my business card.  You get the first one.  How's it look?"  I say 

He takes it.  Uncontrollable laughter.  He writes two small dots on the end of my name (you can see it there in black).   Then he shows it to a couple other afghans.  Uncontrollable laughter. 

I spend five minutes persuading this man to tell me what my name in Dari means.  I know it's bad. 

My friend won't tell me.  "it's a bad word.  i can't say it"

He slowly starts typing on his computer.    

D.  I.  C.  K. 

No way. 

I take my business card back to my buddy Dr. Sami for confirmation and ask him to write down what my business card says. 

He protectively wraps his hand around a scrap piece of paper.   A few seconds of writing. 

The unveiling....scraggly chicken scratch handwriting...

Penis.    

My full name translated in Dari means penis.  So that's pretty fantastic. 

The original Afghan friend teases me about it all afternoon,  until I'm forced to say it.  My hands are tied.  I have no choice. 

"Oh Dildar....let me tell you something about your name...."

what a good day. 

I'm back

Thailand was,  as always,  awesome.   Quick summary cause this blog isn't about vacations really - buckets, sand, sun,  food,  kayaks,  scuba joel,  cliffs, sharks,  treehouses,  sun,  good times.